God gives out bumpers

Word spread that jesus-called-iphone would drop off when people grabbed his left knee. Soon, people who would not have grabbed jesus' left knee were grabbing it just to see if jesus would drop off, and truly, he would.

People soon began to wonder if God knew that jesus would do this when he baptized him. The people asked john the baptist, who said to them, "Jesus does not drop off when you grab his left knee. It just appears that way because he has a thing where he thinks he's falling asleep when he is really still awake. But God will provide an update to fix that." This caused the people to grab jesus' left knee even more, and post more videos on youtube. And the people said, "No, verily, it's a problem with jesus' knee and not his head."

Because of jesus' left knee problem, Religious Consumer Reports withdrew its recommendation of jesus, and many followers grew angry with God for creating a flawed messiah. Would-be followers turned away, and some of heaven's investors even left, saying "God's winning streak is over."

God then appeared in a cloud and spoke angrily to his people, saying, "Foolish creatures, have thou forgotten the Lord your God? Were you there when I created the ibook, or the ipad, or the ipod? Doest thou not know that all messiahs have problems when thou touchest them in some places? For behold barabbas-called-blackberry-bold and simeon-called-droid-eris, who also droppeth off." And God showed them videos of these teachers falling asleep when their followers would touch them. "Anyway, are you not aware that everyone loves my jesus, even more than they did before his baptism?"

Despite his angry words, god showed mercy on his people and provided them with things called "bumpers," to put on jesus' knee so he wouldn't drop off when they touched it. And investors returned to heaven, and all was right in the land. People grabbed jesus with their bumpers, and he did not drop off.

Still, the other would-be messiahs said that God had spoken falsely about their dropping off. But many people began grabbing their teachers in strange places to see if they would drop off, and some did.