Seeing these false messiahs, god looked around and said, "I will bring forth a messiah and he shall be superior in many ways to these other messiahs." And many people believed god for, lo, he was on a winning streak (ever since the other gods decided to give him control of the company again - but that is covered in the old testament of our apple).
And god said to his angels, seraphim, cherubim, and developers, "Thus saith s.j. your god, you will make for me a messiah, and he will be attractive, approachable, hip with the youngsters, and he shall connect well with my other creations. You shall do this very quickly, and very quietly. If you speak of this with anyone I will banish you from heaven, for behold, i am a jealous god." And god's servants did as told because they had pretty kick-ass jobs, actually. But somehow word spread across the land that god was building a messiah and the people began to say, "when will the messiah come," and "maybe god's gone too far this time."
Then one day, god held a publicity event because, verily, god likes hype. And he brought for the messiah, and said, "Behold my son, iphone. You may call him jesus." And god showed the people jesus' beauty, simplicity, easiness, and hipster street cred, and the people began to wonder if this was really the messiah.
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